Attributed to: Annette Clifford at Florida Today in Melbourne, Florida 

MOM – JOB DESCRIPTION
POSITION :
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an,
often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will
include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some
overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on
rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel
expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until some one needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also,
must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from
zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the
backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face
stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously
sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain
calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects . Must
have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages
and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of
a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always
hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final,
complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work
throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so
that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually
exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon
payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college
willhelp them become financially independent. When you die, you give them
whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement,
no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies
limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you
play your cards right.

8 Responses to “Mom Job Description”

  1. annette clifford Says:

    The Job Description of a Parent article you used here is a column I wrote for Florida Today in Melbourne, Fl. and is copyrighted material that must include an attribution.
    Please contact me at the above email address. Thank you.
    Annette Clifford

    1. W. L. Timmins Says:

      You gotta be kidding me! YOU hold a copyright on the description of a MOM? Yeah, yeah…I get it…you have some legal claim to the words in the order they were written but really? Get a life!


  2. This is really cool… Sometimes I can’t help but show you my breaking meal I have a fresh joke for you) What does a caterpillar do on New Year’s Day? Turns over a new leaf!


  3. Advantageously, the article is in reality the sweetest on this worthw hile topic. I agree with your conclusions and will eagerly look forward to your coming updates. Just saying thanks will not just be adequate, for the great clarity in your writing. I will instantly grab your rss feed to stay abreast of any updates. Authentic work and much success in your business efforts!


  4. Honestly, I have not tried to exercise since I switched so I don’t really know the answer to that. My job is sedentary.


  5. I truly seem to agree with all the things that was in fact put into writing
    in “Mom Job Description Interior Office”. Thanks a lot for all of the info.
    Thanks for your effort,Cyril

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